Trust the Process

I recently read an article about some of the “secrets” behind the show The Biggest Loser. I used to be a very devoted watcher of the show and was upset to hear of the things that former contestants were coming out about in regards to what happens “behind the scenes”. While I cannot confirm or deny (because I, myself, have never been a contestant) what happens behind the scenes of the show and what the contestants endured during their time as a contestant, it really makes one think.

Reality is, this is a form of a game show. There are prizes throughout the process and a large monetary prize at the end. Who wouldn’t that appeal to? As someone who has struggled with weight since I was old enough to even care about my weight, I get the appeal – weight loss and money. Where do I sign up??? When you have reached a certain point, you want to change and will possibly do anything to get there. And you want the results fast. I admit, I considered applying to the show a couple of times. The only reason I never did is I did not want to be away from my family that long. Anyone who knows me knows, being a mom is the most important thing to me. My kids are my world.

While I think the concept behind the show is great and appeals to so many people because of the obesity issue in this country, if it seems too good to be true…well you know how that ends…. It took me a year and a half to go back to the Crossfit gym where I go now after trying a class because I was TERRIFIED. I still remember telling my friend after that first trial class, almost 2 ½ years ago now, that there was no way I could do this and not see results. Holy *@#$ was that intense. And it scared me. So after over a year of concern and pressure (because she cared!) from a very dear friend, I decided to sign up for their beginner’s class (On-Ramp – 2x/week for a month). I had 3 weeks to change my mind. I could have called and cancelled. I could have just not shown up. As that first day got closer, I was so scared, excited, terrified, anxious, nervous, you name it. What am I doing? Am I really ready for this? After my first class, I was like “okay, I don’t know if I can do this. Can I do this?” That thought continued daily. There were some of the classes during On-Ramp that I definitely didn’t think I could do it. I still remember that night of GHD sit ups. I seriously was VERY close to quitting after that night. I even cried a little. My coach got me through that moment and reassured me I was going to be ok. Then I thought, okay, I did it and survived. If I never get on that thing again, well that would be awesome. I was by far one of the weakest (and most overweight and not physically fit) in my On-Ramp class. It was very intimidating to say the least.

After putting in the time and work in the gym for almost 3 months and not losing a lot of weight (my main goal in starting Crossfit at the time), I decided to meet with one of our coaches for nutrition to see what I could change there. My dietary habits were definitely my downfall. Well, I already knew that, and knew some of what I needed to do but clearly at 250 lbs (at the time) needed some help and guidance from someone who knew what they were talking about. One of the first things I was told is that I wasn’t eating enough. What? Come again? So I want to lose weight and you are telling me to eat more? Ummm….okay. They were absolutely right! What you eat is even more important than how much you eat. Crazy, right? While I felt that I was more educated than some, I still had so much to learn. Even all these months later and after losing a lot of weight, I feel like I am always learning something new, both about myself and about the process.

The moral of the story and my point behind this post is you have to educate yourself. Do the research. Do the work. Most Importantly, BE PATIENT! Quick weight loss is not healthy weight loss. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and reach out to someone when you are in doubt. Anyone who knows me knows I am the queen of asking questions. While I know that can get annoying to some (sorry!), it’s because I never want to do things just because someone said so. I want to understand why. I want to see proof that something will work or why someone thinks it will work. Weight loss is hard. Some days I would say it feels impossible. It’s always a struggle, even when you are successful. Look at me. I’ve lost 70 pounds and there are still days that feel like day 1 all over again. You have to trust the process. Below is one of my favorite quotes (thank you, Pinterest!)

Remember this – if it were easy, everyone would do it. It is absolutely worth it! Trust the Process.


One Year into my journey

Today marks my 1 year CrossFit Anniversary. But it’s so much more than that for me. Since 1/6/14 I have accomplished so many things:
1. Started CrossFit at CrossFit716
2. Transitioned to a Paleo Lifestyle
3. Lost 70 lbs
4. Ran an entire 5K for the first time
5. PR’ed my 5K time twice
6. Ran in my first Turkey Trot
7. Was named Athlete of the Month in September 2014 at my gym
8. Participated in my first CrossFit Competition
9. Participated in my first CrossFit Open
10. Learned how to Rappel
11. Went from a size 18/20 to a 10/12
12. No longer have to shop in the Plus Size section
13. Am more confident
14. Am starting to love myself for the first time in a very long time

There are not enough words to verbalize what this year has meant to me. I have learned so much about myself and my potential. My self esteem is the highest I think it has ever been. I have made some amazing friends and have the most amazing support system. I wouldn’t be sitting here celebrating this moment if it wasn’t for all the amazing people in my life who never gave up on me, and pushed me, especially when I didn’t think I had any push left in me.

For those who are starting out, my advice would be to not let the bumps in the road stop you from pushing forward. I guarantee that you are capable of so much more than you realize. Don’t let one bad day or one bad workout become a bad week, etc. Every day is a new day. Big goals are important, but small goals are even more important. They keep you on track and allow you to celebrate along the way to reaching your big goals.

I used to find every excuse I could not to go to the gym. Now, I have to talk myself into cancelling when I can’t go because I feel guilty not going and actually miss not going. I didn’t realize how bad of shape I was in and how unhealthy I really was until I started this journey. I think back to how I used to live and it scares me. It scares me to think how many people live like that, or worse, and don’t even realize just how bad it is.

For the first time in my life – I feel like a real athlete. I played a couple sports in high school and never felt like the athlete I feel like now. I even got Athlete of the Month at my gym one month!

This has been the toughest and one of the most rewarding years of my life. I have learned so much about who I am and who I want to be. More importantly, I am a healthier mom to my two amazing boys.

I see this quote frequently, and I absolutely think it is true!
“Nobody said that it would be easy, they just said it would be worth it”
All my hard work, sweat, frustration, dedication, and perseverance has absolutely been worth it! If I knew just how this was going to feel, I probably would have done this a long time ago. You can’t put a price tag on this feeling!

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you to everyone who has helped me in any way to get where I am today. My journey is not over. It has only begun.

I finallly started my blog…

So I’ve wanted to start a blog as I have been through a life changing year and one of the goals I set for myself is that I want to pay it forward and help inspire others. In the last year, I have lost 70 lbs and have found a love of CrossFit, There are so many things that have changed for me over the last year. When I sit and think back to where I was this time last year, I still have a hard to time believing it all.

One year ago I had gotten back up to being only 4 lbs away from my heaviest weight. I dreaded getting dressed and looking in the mirror because it hated what I saw. I was thankful that I worked at home because I didn’t have to face that mirror every morning if I didn’t want to. Sweats and Hoodies were my favorite because they were big, comfy, and hid everything I didn’t like about my physical self. As many people do, it was the beginning of a new year and I had been thinking about how I could make 2014 better. Looking in the mirror every day, hating what I saw, had taken its toll on me for the last time. A great friend of mine and been encouraging me to sign up for the On Ramp class at her Crossfit gym and I finally did it. I figured I had nothing to lose (except maybe some money if it didnt pan out). Before my first class I had sat down and really thought about all the things that I wanted to change. At that time, first and foremost, I wanted to lose weight. The weight wasn’t going to change unless I made some serious changes. I attended my first On Ramp class and was wondering what I had gotten myself into. Not only was it a major reality check for where I had allowed myself to get, but it also showed me just how bad of shape I was in. For the next 4 days, I couldn’t sit without the most intense soreness I had ever felt. Squats. Holy Squats! I think I figured out that I had completed over 100 squats in that first class. I was in for some serious work. Throughout the rest of the month I had endured what at the time I called pure hell. But I knew that that hell was exactly what I needed. Once On Ramp was over, I started attended regular classes. I would check the website to see what the WOD (Workout of the day) and start googling what it meant. Then I would enter pure fear and anxiety mode. Sh*t. Am I going to make it through? What if I can’t do it? Am I really cut out for CrossFit?

At the end of February, it was the start of the Open. My friend had encouraged me to sign up and I waited to just hours before the deadline to do it. I figured what the heck, why not. BEST. DECISION. EVER. The Open is what officially hooked me on CrossFit. I had met a bunch of amazing athletes, had people cheer for me even when I was clearly the worst athlete (according to my scores), and most of them had never met me before. Where in life do you find that? Nowhere I’ve ever been! In those 5 weeks, I had learned what the community was all about and how truly amazing these people were. From there on, I have walked in the gym ready to give it my all, no matter how much I thought I was going to suck at it. The WODs got less scary as time went on. Don’t get me wrong, I still look at them some days and think, oh no! But I’ve learned that the WODs that tend to do that are the ones I shouldn’t miss because they will force me to face my weaknesses and the only way to get better is by working on them.

At the end of March, I decided to meet with one of our coaches, who is also a nutritionist. I had a pretty good idea what I was in for based on other friends’ experiences, but was I ready? I used to tell my friend that got me into all this that I give her so much credit for eating Paleo and how I never thought I could do it. Working with Jen on nutrition was easier than I thought. I was ready for change and if I didnt see the changes I was looking for, then I could always stop going, right? Switching to Paleo wasn’t easy but it wasn’t as challenging as I thought it was going to be….for the most part. To this day, the only time I find it to be challenging is when I had to eat out or at someone else’s house. The best way to sum up eating Paleo – WILLPOWER! LOTS of Willpower! I had never viewed myself as a strong person, despite people telling me otherwise. But this journey has proven to me that I am strong! I have done so many things over this last year that I still can’t believe.

This fall I ran two 5K races. The first one was the first one I had done where I ran the whole thing. The second one was a PR for me by 34 seconds! I also ran my first Turkey Trot. That was a long race, but I did it! I’ve always wanted to be good at running, and know that I am not, but the only way to get better? Run! Keep CrossFitting. Keep eating right. All those things together will get me to where I want to go.

I walked in the doors at CrossFit716 wanting to lose weight. I learned quickly that I wanted so much more than that. Watching my body transform over the last year has been nothing short of amazing and incredible. What I wasn’t expecting is how much it has changed me mentally. I find myself less afraid to try new things. I am the most confident I think I have ever been. I feel that it has made me a better person, a better wife, a better friend, and a better mother.

So as I approach the one year mark in my journey, I am down 70 pounds. 70 POUNDS! Isn’t that crazy?!?!?! If you had asked me this time last year if I thought I could be what I am today, I would have laughed at you. While I have not yet hit my ultimate weight loss goal, I can see it on the horizon. I’ve come this far and I will not give up! Even if I wanted to, I have a great support system that will stop at nothing to make sure I don’t give up! You can’t put a price on that!

My goal in starting this blog is that I can pass along some good words of wisdom, inspiration, and advice to those who are where I was or those who have given up and want to try again, or even those who just need motivation to keep on their journey. I would not be where I am today if it weren’t for the support system I have and I am truly grateful for everyone in my life, every day! So thanks for helping me be the best me I can be.